In tough and highly emotional situations such as a divorce, it is not at all uncommon for people to behave erratically or in a manner in which they wouldn’t normally carry themselves in. We are all only human, and it is completely understandable that we may want to lash out or “get back” at someone who has hurt us.
Unfortunately, when it comes to settling a divorce successfully, trying your best to remain amicable is always recommended. Poor behaviour on either party’s part may result in an unsatisfactory settlement that doesn’t benefit anyone at the end of the day. In today’s article, we look at 6 behaviours to avoid during a divorce, so read on to find out more.
Failing To Communicate
We completely understand that in some circumstances, the last thing you want to do is communicate with your partner. When emotions and tensions are running high, it can be much easier to just block the situation out and turn a blind eye to it. Regardless of your stance, it is important that you don’t fail to adequately communicate your needs with your partner, as difficult and challenging as it may be. We always recommend keeping the lines of communication open, and enlisting the help of friends, family and loved ones who may be able to better bridge the gap between you and your partner. Communication is absolutely vital in court proceedings and avoiding or failing to do so may put up unnecessary roadblocks in an already tough and demanding situation.
Avoid Name Calling
When talking about emotionally charged issues either in private with your partner or in the midst of a lawyer, it can be tempting to start name calling, criticising and insulting one another. Using inflammatory statements against your partner may feel good in the moment, but will only cause unnecessary trauma, anger and resentment in the long run. If your partner chooses to behave in an unruly manner, it is important to stay calm and remind yourself that you can’t control their behaviour. It is also important to remain level headed and not be tempted to stoop to their level if he/she is making disparaging comments about you. Trust us when we say you will thank yourself for your self control and patience at the end of the day,
Don’t Instigate The Children
If you have children with your partner, we highly suggest against trying to instigate your children or turn them against your partner. Divorce is incredibly tough on children, let alone when parents are trying to gain favour or turn the kids against the other party. Putting down or disrespecting your ex -- regardless how tempting it may be -- only creates anger, sadness, insecurity and guilt which may even lead to childhood depression. Keeping the family unit as cohesive and pleasant as possible should be your main goal, along with keeping the children out of any drama or arguments that may ensue between you and your soon to be ex.
Don’t Emotionally Shut Down
Let’s be honest -- divorce is a hell of a ride for all involved and can often trigger feelings of anxiety and depression. During this time of uncertainty, all you may want to do is emotionally shut down and remain oblivious to the world around you. As tempting as that may be, it is important that you express your feelings and emotions. A great idea if you are feeling somewhat emotionally stifled is to enlist the help of a therapist or counsellor who will offer you a safe space to vent your concerns and frustrations. Taking care of your mental health during this trying time is incredibly important and is one step in the direction of healing, letting go and moving on.
Avoid Venting On Social Media
One of the most common things we’ve seen over the last 20 years is people taking to the internet to publicly shame their ex partner or even expose personal details of the relationship that should have no place outside closed doors. Even if you feel like the criticism you have is warranted, we highly recommend keeping this information private and not using social media as a sounding board. Airing dirty laundry on your personal account runs the risk of your co-workers, supervisors and naysayers coming across this information which can inevitably ruin the reputation of both you and your spouse.
Don’t Make False Allegations
Last but not least, it is important that you remain honest throughout your divorce proceedings. It is certainly okay to make light of any injustices that you have experienced during the course of your relationship, but it is also just as important that you don’t throw out false allegations that can never be taken back.
In cases of separation, emotions are high, and it’s possible for things to be said in that environment which may not reflect the beliefs or events in question. However, mistake or not, false allegations can be hugely detrimental to your case if & when they come to light. In the event that your party is found to have knowingly made false allegations, it can lead to your case being lost or complicated, so honesty is always the best course of action.
Divorces can wreak havoc on your emotional and mental health, but by taking care of yourself and ensuring that you remain level headed, calm and mature throughout your divorce proceedings, you are guaranteed to have a much smoother sailing ride that is less traumatic for all parties involved. If you need advice or information about divorce, do not hesitate to reach out to one of our divorce and separation lawyers who will be more than happy to assist.